To eleven-year-old me:
Do you know how it feels to have to wear a school blouse which reveals your bra?
Which the boys will comment on and pull at?
Has anyone told you that you will never get a boyfriend if you don’t wear more make-up to school?
Have they told you to shave your legs, fix your eyebrows, wear your skirt shorter?
Have you been made to feel like you need to hide your period as a shameful secret?
Not yet, but soon.
To thirteen-year-old me:
Have strangers whistled, called, honked, stared at you in the street, and sent you explicit messages online?
Have they told you there’s a problem if you like penises, and a problem if you don’t?
Have you heard that if you get pregnant, you’ll be blamed, hurting, and alone?
Has your male PE teacher told you that period pains aren’t that bad, and you must be faking it?
Do you feel too fat, too thin, somehow the wrong shape, because you don’t exist for yourself but for boys to appreciate?
Not yet, but soon.
To fifteen-year-old me:
Have you been pushed out of the way on the pavement, multiple times, by groups of men?
Have men followed you and made you scared, while you were just walking your dog?
Have they told you that the burden of birth control side effects are yours to bear, because they don’t like condoms?
Have you heard that you ‘don’t need feminism in this country’ and that ‘if I want equality, I should be okay with being punched in the face’?
Not yet, but soon.
To eighteen-year-old me:
Have you been groped in the club, on the bus, at the park, on the tube and standing at the gate to your house?
Did other women tell you it was your fault because your shorts were too short?
Have several people explained to you that unwanted catcalls are a compliment?
Has your landlord expressed only to you, the sole woman in the flat, that he expects you to keep the flat clean?
Not yet, but soon.
To twenty-one-year-old me:
Have you been guilted, twisted, persuaded into sex when you didn’t really want to?
Have you noticed the men you sleep with don’t always care if you’re enjoying yourself?
Have you been called frigid for not wanting to, and slutty for having a good time?
Have you heard your boyfriend praised for doing the housework, while you do much more and remain unpraised?
Have you given him cash before going out to dinner, so it looks like he is paying and doesn’t feel embarrassed?
Do you feel upset because you’ve had too many conversations where people deny a wage gap exists, as women are at fault for having babies, not joining workplaces where they’re not welcomed, not asking for raises?
Not yet, but very, very soon.
To me now:
Have you stopped silencing yourself in fear of being too ‘screechy’, ‘aggressive’ or ‘hysterical’?
Have you started pointing out your own accomplishments, and to not let people make you feel uncomfortable?
Have you begun dressing for yourself, and not for the approval of others?
Have you tried to explain, every time you hear it, why the ‘not all men’ rhetoric is harmful and derails the conversation from the real issues?
No, not yet, but I am doing my best.