Apology

Although this has stung I do not feel regret.

We can’t rewind now anyway

Yet I don’t regret meeting you,

Or any of the times we shared:

I won’t tear up our photos

Nor cut you off,

But I don’t want to be together again.

 

Our happy memories

Will remain memories,

Plans we made returned to dust.

It wouldn’t feel right:

Under the crook of your arm again,

Laughing as if nothing had changed

Because truly, everything has.

 

 

 

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Leaving

At the top of the hill with my bicycle, I wait,

As I start to roll down I am going too fast, out of control,

I cannot find the pedals and my heart is in my mouth

My feet flounder in the air uselessly.

Tightly I grip the handlebar

While the incline decreases,

Allowing me to slow.

The speed was terrifying but unknown sights beckoned

And as I look around I cannot see you any more

Because you didn’t want to leave

So I had to make my own way.

Now I don’t know if we will see each other again

But at least I’ve gone forward.

Pollen is in the air, making my eyes water,

But the white blossom all around is beautiful.

Keepsakes

Grandma likes to re-purpose.

She once gave me a calendar from 1987,

Featuring photos of tractors,

In case it would come in handy.

It did not.

She has several mismatched teapots,

Yet she only likes coffee

And her garage is full of half-upholstered chairs.

Plump money plants and bright orchids,

Lining her windowsills,

Jostle with dusty cacti which make me sneeze,

So we must sit outside together , escaping the clutter,

Waiting for spring to arrive.

Rain drips from her gutters and the garden ferns

As she presses a rusty tin into my hands that once held fudge,

Because I’ll never know when I might need it.

I keep it as a reminder of these damp days.

 

Regret

I followed you

To make a new life for us,

Which was a gamble,

Although I never take risks

And I wish I hadn’t.

 

I gave up what I had

Now I start again from nothing,

Nobody knows me, or cares to,

In this lonely place,

And I wish I had stayed behind.

 

I still listen to your breathing

Try to time it with mine:

In-hold, two, three- and out, two, three, and four

I realise that I still love you

But sometimes I wish I didn’t.

 

If my wishes could carry me away

We would float off

Quietly, in the night,

Where I would sleep alone without thinking of you

For a while.

 

 

 

 

Spilling Over

She pours the water into the jug

But, distracted, she forgets to stop and it keeps running until it overflows,

Drops cascading down the smooth glass sides and pooling onto the table.

After mopping the puddle up she goes to talk

Just wishing to answer a question, but she says too much and the words spill out,

Covering the carpet in jumbled shapes.

She goes to pick them up, pink with embarrassment,

Unable to take them back fully.

Silence then presses down on her, threatening to yawn open and swallow her whole.

 

 

 

Keeping On

It never rains, but it pours:

We all know that.

Cloaked now in cloying drizzle

From grey rain-clouds,

One thing after another

Goes wrong for us.

We look ahead to blue skies,

Clinging to hope.

While we are waiting, we change,

Get used to rain,

We put our umbrellas up,

Our faces down.

And when things work out later,

For that they will,

Good luck never shone so bright

In our tired eyes.